In Which Joanna Burns the Meat

My kitchen was clean. Let me repeat. My kitchen was clean!! Olive was napping. I pulled a pound of ground turkey meat out of the freezer and set it in water in the sink to thaw. It was our last thing of meat and then we’d have to wait til payday for more. I didn’t know what to do for dinner because we ran out of rice last night. So, I put some frozen broccoli on the stove to boil, and grabbed the shredded mozzarella cheese, thinking I’d make some turkey bacon and mix all of these ingredients together. Making a random dinner with no name. Cheesy Turkey Bacon Broccoli Surprise? Sounds nice. And weird.

So then Olive wakes up crying. I go soothe her back to sleep, which takes about 15 minutes. When I get back to my kitchen, the nice, clean pan I’d placed on the stove was hot and ready for something to be cooked in it. So, I got a dollop of grass-fed Kerrygold butter and plopped it in the pan. It immediately started melting fast and turning brown, then quickly black. And smoking. Lots of smoking. So what would you do at this point? A normal person would probably have turned off the heat, cleaned the pan and started over.

Not me. I turned the heat down and proceeded to get the turkey meat out of the package it had been thawing in. It was half frozen still. This still didn’t stop me from proceeding. I was going to cook that meat and I was going to cook it then. So I plop it in the pan. Immediate loud sizzling ensues. And don’t forget the smoke. LOTS of smoke. So I turn the heat down even more and then finally remove the pan from that particular burner and decide maybe all I need is more butter. I get another dollop and try to plop it in the pan. It doesn’t plop in the pan. It plops onto the hot burner I had just removed the pan from!

So now I have melting butter on my burner, dripping down into the stove. Argh. And the meat? Half of it looks like angry black worms and the other half is a sickly, half-frozen pink. So, at this point Adam is home and is cozily in the office playing a video game. My thoughts went immediately to him, as I was stuck in this annoying predicament and he was happily playing a game. He needed to be in my annoying situation with me. So I go in there and say, calmly, “I have a situation.” He doesn’t look up. He keeps shooting his enemies and says, “What’s going on?”

“You have to come and see,”

“Just tell me.”CrepePan

“No, you have to come see.”

So I go back in the kitchen and forlornly stir the meat mess. He comes in the kitchen a few minutes later and I tell him the whole horrible story. Start to finish. His response? “Well, we still have that gift card to Chili’s. Why don’t we use it?”

Light came to my eyes. Hope came to my heart. Who cares about this meat mess?! Whatevs!!! We’re getting out-food and that is so freaking exciting that I feel like it’s my birthday or something. Yay! Adam’s almost home and I’m going to dig in and forget my fiasco. But since I have a blog and I thought it was kinda funny, just thought I’d share. Happy Tuesday Night Cooking!!

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One thought on “In Which Joanna Burns the Meat

  1. Bahaha! This made me laugh! I’ve done that too. I’m way too impatient when I cool on a burner a day tend to turn it too high and burn it. Ugh. Now baking, I can bake anything and it’s fine. Plus, when I bake the stove top doesn’t get dirty…hehehe

    Like

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